I don’t know how to start packing things. I have always taken pride in being able to pack light, for short trips. But how do you pack for the possibility of not coming back? I fold them one by one, arranged by type and kind. I have said so many goodbyes in the past and have helped so many people pack their stuff in boxes and suitcases. I thought this would be easy, but it’s not. Every piece of garment I fold holds a bit of pain for what I’m leaving behind. I will miss my people. I will miss our food. And I will definitely miss the pasko season. Saying goodbye to you means saying goodbye to my family, my friends, my past, my scars.

Paalam muna Pilipinas. Thank you for being my home. Thank you, in spite of recent events, I have so much to be proud of about you. I am heartbroken, yes. But this doesn’t mean I will stop loving you and fighting for you. I will, in my own way, choose to do good, I’ll choose to be kind so that when they ask where I’m from, I give them a glimpse of what we are in our very core-good people. It’s just that some, sadly, lost their way.

Paalam muna Pilipinas. Mahal kita. I love you even when it’s painful. Sana pagbalik ko, mulat na tayo.