I want to start telling you how easy it is to keep smiling at this time, or how I survived a great deal of suffering but kept pushing through. But I can’t. This post isn’t about that at all.

The truth is, I got really sad. The kind of sad that you’d feel guilty about. I have my family, we always have food, I have stable internet and despite all that, I felt sad. I’m guilty because so many people are suffering and even dying right now so I shouldn’t feel the way I feel. But I do.

At first, I did everything. I read the Bible, I practiced yoga everyday, I wrote a journal, I kept calling friends, I spent time with my dogs, I tried to catch up on my school work. Then I went spiraling down like I always do.

I’ll tell you what definitely didn’t work–denying my sadness. And so I stopped doing that. I had to admit that I became so addicted to planning that when things get off track, I go nuts. I had to grieve beach plans that got cancelled, graduation which will get delayed, having no job or money, missing my friends, missing the sunshine. I had to sit and cry about not being able to say goodbye to my little ones and knowing I may never see some of them ever again. It’s that feeling where I kept wondering if I had said the right words to them the last time we were together… if they felt loved. If I made it known to them how special each one of them are.

Then I breathed. And after maybe two weeks of being dead inside, I just woke up went on with the “new norm”. I tried and I’m still trying to establish routine.

So how does one become happy at this time? I’m really not sure. But here are some thoughts that’ll maybe help someone else

Make a list of achievable tasks and check them off 

Someone gave me this advice and when I was younger, I made a crazy crazy list of things I want to achieve by 25. This list includes getting married, finishing my masters, losing weight, and publishing my first book. None of that happened. But now i understand that the list should’ve been full of short term achievable ones if the goal was to feel positive. And if I did want to pursue the bigger items on the list(and I still do), I should’ve made steps bringing me closer to those goals. So make a list of achievable tasks and check them off as you go.

Add regular exercise

I know I’m not the best person to preach about this but exercise does help produce endorphin which makes us feel happier. My coach always says that gym should be your happy place. That it work out shouldn’t really feel like a burden. So I enjoyed every session (even though some days it seemed like i didn’t). Working out always felt like the right thing to do. But don’t over do it. Don’t make yourself suffer. Don’t even do it because you feel guilty about eating too much. Work out because you want to be healthy. Because it is how God designed us. Because we are vessels but how can we be good vessels if we’re a sick one or a broken one.

Have deep and meaningful connections

It doesn’t even have to be someone you know or someone near. It doesn’t have to be an old friend. Just talk to people. One of my friends told me a few days ago how everyone has a story. And it’s true.  I’d agree to that a million times. Everyone has a story but are we willing to listen? And start giving. Give until it hurts. Give beyond what you usually give. You’ll be surprised that small actions come a long way.

Do something of greater purpose

One of the leaders in our church, a long time friend of mine, always reminds us to think of eternity. That made me think if I’m investing in things that would last. It made me reevaluate my choices and my values. Before all of this, I was really just saving up for a new phone and going out on dates. Both very petty things that seemed to matter before. Now that I had the time to reflect on it, I know that the next generation matters to me and it matters to me that they know who our God is. So I started making steps towards that and I was happier. But life didn’t all of a sudden become perfect. There was still suffering and sometimes even the steps for the next generation became unbearable. But the Lord held my heart and told me not to worry. He took care of the flowers and the birds and He’ll take care of me.

Pursue having Gratitude Journal

What is gratitude, really? I think it’s more than being thankful. It is a deep level of appreciation for small things and big things. How do you invite gratitude into your own life? I think it’s a matter of perspective. And I know I sound like I have no idea what I’m saying but I really do. I suffer an illness that makes you sometimes incapable of seeing the good but somehow life is helping me look for new perspectives.

Hope this helped you today. Whoever you are and whatever you may be going through now, you are meant to read this: you matter.